In law and magic

Just before bed, I will do things like download the whole history of Western astrology to my husband in response to a very simple question like “what are you reading?” And, because I’m reading Ptolemy, I will say how completely struck I am by his clarity. I will wax poetically about what it must have been like to be in Alexandria. How it was the coming together of Greek gods, Egyptian star charting and Mesopotamian planetary watching. Then I will to my husband, who by this moment will have set down his New Yorker and turned to me, describe the eerie accuracy of Firmicus Maternus' planetary pairs. Maternus was also a lawyer. And if there are two things which have imposed themselves upon my life it is the fields of law and magic.

In fact, the professionals who have always captivated my admiration have usually been lawyers and magicians (astro magicians) included here. There is a correlation, I insist to people who wonder how I could have made the transition from litigation paralegal to astrology. The correlation exists because both practitioners usually have some obsession in an arcane field, and they must love the theory but not more than they love the practice. There is also a service component in both law and magic. It isn’t enough to know how to do it (unless I guess you want to teach and even then there is a generosity in sharing knowledge with others), you must practice it. That is the mark of someone taking ancient texts or law and enscribing them onto the world in the form of acts. To go up against the world. Chris Warnock and Nina Griphon are both lawyers who do astrological magic. I have studied with Nina. I wear Chris’ talismans and those solar pentacles work.

Now, I am back in class in a mundane astrology course. I have a fear that I won’t be able to keep up. That my comments are the forum are blasé and that my questions in the chat are surface-level. This is to say that I have school wounds. I have the south node with Saturn in the 3rd House of lower education. I wanted to go to law school in my twenties, but when I became pregnant at twenty-four, I abandoned that idea. I continued on as a paralegal. When I worked in litigation, I became really good at searching databases for the smoking gun. If there were say a million records and we were looking for hot emails, I could find them. I relished finding them and they brought to me a sort of pleasure. I have the same “gotcha” satisfaction when I find a cite in a source text, see a timing techiniqe like Zodiacal Releasing work precisely, or make a delination that is so striking, that I'm in awe.

The baby I had at twenty-five just graduated from middle school and I could not stop crying on the day of the ceremony. I cried to the florist as I was watching her tie ribbons around white roses and lilies. I cried to other parents. It was an emotional display that betrayed the preferred intellectual processing of my Aquarius moon. I cried because I could think of no higher honor than to witness her becoming, her threshold moment. To see her stand amid her peers, community and parents, and deliver a graduation speech that was touching, honest and funny. It overwhelmed me. I realize now, and maybe I always have, that she is and has been my education. She has been my arrow. She gave me direction and pulled me out of a path that was never mine.

Everyone told me I was making a mistake because they wanted me to achieve things. It was out of love, of course. And, it was out of love that I chose her. Every year, day and moment since I chose her has been a constant return to that one decision. Committing to her and to raising her, brought me more knowledge and wisdom than I ever could have imagined. Being her mom has been a constant course-correct, delivered me the greatest blessings, and expanded love. I grow as she grows. It's Gilmore Girls energy. It rhymes astrologically with my chart too. As my 5th House (children) planetary ruler is Saturn which is placed the 3rd House of learning conjunct the south node. The lessons that she and my other daughter have put me in my current path in a way that's felt fated.

During dinner on that Sagittarius full moon, I was hosting a little get together on a city rooftop eating steak I had overcooked. I said, Children are like that quote about arrows. From Khalil Gibran's The Prophet. I could tell that I was either about to derail the conversation or expand it — it’s usually a risk for me. And so I found the quote on my phone.

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

I really think that is how these human beings can teach me so much. They are just incredibly wise and funny and strong in their own way. This education of parenthood has delivered me back to myself over and over again. Who am I? How can I be the most myself so that they become their own selves?

While out to eat with friends, I ran into a lawyer who I used to work with. We are still friendly. She came to sit next to me and explained to my friends across the booth that I was such a capable paralegal that they created a new position just for me. Then the lawer laughed and added “but that then after all that she just left.”

“To do astrology?” my friend asked. I nodded. I was following my gut and intuition which I listen to more and more now. I think they are the engines of law and magic.